“The older I get the better I used to be!”
“If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.”
“Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.”
“How can they beat me? I've been struck by lightning, had two back operations, and been divorced twice.”
“My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time.”
“You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen.”
“A hungry dog hunts best!”
“There are two things that won't last long in this world, and that's dogs chasing cars and pros putting for pars.”
“Nobody but you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn't care, either.”
“I'm not out there just to be dancing around. I expect to win every time I tee up!"
“There is no such thing as a natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls.”
“In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relives you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.”
“His nerve, his memory, and I can't remember the third thing.”
“My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years.”
“You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.”
“At 15 we put down my bag to hunt for a ball, found the ball, lost the bag.”
“Jack Nicklaus was the first to bring in course management. He could go to a course and tell you within one stroke what was going to win. He used to set his sights on that because he could shoot it. He was the only player I know who, if he decided he wanted to win a tournament, could go out and do it. No one will ever be as popular as Arnold Palmer and no one will ever come close to Jack as a player.”
“I still sweat. My guts are still grinding out there. Sometimes I have enough cotton in my mouth to knit a sweater.”
“You have to understand, I don't play golf for fun. It's my business. When the mailman starts delivering mail on his off day, that's when I'll start playing golf for the hell of it. I like to play in tournaments. There are many great courses around the world that I have never played that are next door to tournaments. I have not played them because I don't play for fun.”
“I love it. I don't know if I love it as much as Arnold Palmer, but I think I am close. I can't wait to get up in the mornings because I know I am going out to play golf. The game has been very good to me. Much has been said about when I am going to retire but I never will.”
“I remember when I first came out on the Tour. I was hitting practice balls and Sam Snead and Bob Goalby were next to me. Snead said, 'Who in the hell is this guy? He has a loud mouth and an unorthodox swing.' Goalby said, 'Don't worry Sam, he'll linger but he won't last'.”
“Years ago I had a 1-iron I could hit 260 yards through a doorway. Now I can hit it through the keyhole.”
“One of the nice things about the Senior Tour is that we can take a cart and cooler. If your game is not going well, you can always have a picnic.”
“You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can't get them across, your ideas won't get you anywhere.”
“Somewhere along the line I'll be recognized as one of the top players in the Nicklaus era. That's all I want to be remembered for.”
“When it comes to the game of life, I figure I've played the whole course.”
“Golf isn't just my business, it's my hobby.”
“I adore the game of golf. I won't ever retire.”
“When they asked me to do this, I said, 'Are you kidding me?' ... There are a lot of people that'd kill to play with this guy for two rounds. It's two days I'll never forget. Playing with Arnold Palmer at this time in my life, it was just wonderful.”
“This place [Augusta National] rejects me like a skin transplant.”
“Hey, if your looking for a dad-burn superstar, look at this kid. He was so good today, I wanted to caddie for him.”
“Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.”
“No one who ever had lessons would have a swing like mine.”
“I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money winner's list.”
“Al Geiberger should have to take a test to prove he's a member of the human race.”
“Yes, I think I have the best swing on the Tour. Why have scores comedown in the last ten years? Partly because they are imitating me.”
“He's one guy we admire, ... We love Arnie. The best way I can sum this up is when I tell my kids to look up the definition of class, his picture is next to the word. That's what we think about him. Not one person out here doesn't think that.”